so I’ve finally received an email from SS. I’m not sure what I expected but as usual what I got was not what I expected. I read it in stages but before finishing the entire thing I responded to him to let him know he can collect his things whenever he is ready for them. Apparently he wants to get them so as to not keep me waiting but feels like the distance from me is better for him at this time. and he is now focused on doing whats best for him rather thanking about what i may need or like etc.
you know, I really want to write how I feel about this but I’m honestly at a loss as to how I feel reading his email. he doesn’t seem to get it but you know what? its really ok. I cant fight to make him see my point and I think it would be a waste of time to try. It really is time to accept that this is over and done. I am truly tired of his selfishness and refusal to see the error of his ways. when I read his email it reads as if it is ok for him to react to me and what is seen as my bad behavior but I don’t have the right to react to him badly when he does anything wrong.
he says he doesn’t know what I’ve been doing for the past 4 years. lol he doesn’t know what ive been doing for the past for years. wow. I mean, that actually leaves me speechless. i am actually terribly hurt by it. clearly none of what ive done or been through over the last 4 years means anything or is of any important to him. hmm, I’m quite disappointed that he would say that but its his opinion. Ive been learning more and more that what other people think of me and my experiences is none of my business. whether or not he thinks I made no effort and that I was just being present, doesn’t diminish what I did or what I endured. I am actually quite floored by it because what that statement means to me is that nothing i have done or contributed has been of any noticeable value
you know what I’m not going to finish this tonight. I cant do this right now. I asked if he would give me notice for when he is coming to get his things and he said yes. and I just sent him a mail thanking him for all he has said because they have given me quite a bit of perspective. I have learn a whole lot about him and his emails give me the courage to feel good about leaving.