im awake later than i should be but before i go to bed i want to take a bit of time to unload and clear my mind. i feel very unsettled right now. so much is changing and its just shaking me up a bit. i need to start focusing on finding a new place to live. i really dont want to do this right now. i dont want to move and i dont want to deal with starting over. but i dont have a choice.

i want to sell my car soon but i have to think of EHB and my son and how they will be impacted by my lack of mobility. i wish i didnt have to think of anyone else and that i could just do things but at this point thats just not an option. i also wanna travel and try to save more so i can buy my own place soon, but we will see how that goes.

and then there is the issue of SS. i havent heard from him since i sent him a response to his email. im not sure if im being ignored or if life has gotten in the way. either way im doing my best to stay afloat. im not sure what i expected but i dont like this. i sincerely hope he is ok and i hope we can both get over this and grow from this experience. i still look forward to hearing from him and its not just because he has things here. i miss him. i still love him even though i probably shouldnt. i keep thinking to myself that this is the part where the longing starts and also where the forgetfulness begins.

anyway, im off to bed. tomorrow is a new day with many possibilities. and i hope to make the best of them.


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