break free

so its been a few days since i responded to SS’s email. i havent gotten a response. I am not sure why he hasnt responded. Maybe he has nothing to say. Maybe he is busy. Maybe he has strong emotions that he isnt sure how to express. Maybe he has heard what he needs to and cant bother with me. I suppose all of these are fine, expect i have found myself in a cycle i am not yet sure how to break.

i keep checking my email to see if he has responded. i suppose i am hoping for a response and maybe hoping for a resolution but i know thats not being realistic or logical. its me not dealing with my lingering feelings properly. i need to break free from this need to follow up with him as well as this need to find closure from situations where it wont be forthcoming. i need to accept that this is all there is and do my best to move on. i need to control these types of thoughts and not be consumed by them.

i suppose im a little sad that this is all there really is


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