unsettled

so my day is off to an interesting start. i went to bed having responded to an email from SS. he had a question that he wanted to ask so he sent me an email. i wasnt expecting it so i was a little shock by it but i took my time and responded. funny enough i wasnt going to respond until today but then i thought to myself that, if he is feeling what i feel then he is probably checking his email for a response and feeling dejected when there is none. i didnt want to leave him with that anxiety because i know it would kill me.

anyway, after responding to him i couldnt sleep and the next time i checked my tablet i realised that he sent another mail. i didnt bother to read this second mail until this morning and now i kinda wish i hadnt because i feel very unsettled. i feel rattled by some of the things he has said and im not sure how to deal with it. im not sure how to respond to the things he has said. there is a part of me that wants to answer defensively and show or explain to him where he went wrong and defend myself. there is a part of me that thinks that would be a waste of time. i am further conflicted and im not sure if i should even answer at all even though i know i will.

if nothing else though, i am relieved to hear from him.

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